Immanentize the Eschaton
by Djatá Bart-Plange ︎︎︎TW: nonconsensual drug use
Immanentize the eschaton
"...im not sure if i like it, Melindha..."
i pretend i didn't hear. to say something like that... what ugly, gay idiot could be possessing you? how could you not see that this is the answer. this should cure us. this should cure him. and soon i will have a third one, 3: a holy number, hanging over our bed.
"listen, i'm gonna go make some tea and salmon. do you want some?"
why don't you care?
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i was a bit mopey at the time. happens every year around this time of year. Easter celebrates th superpowers of Jesus rather than the rebirth of the sun, in nature and within. a loss i still mourn for Disney bought Thor, Loki, and the Egyptian pantheon. and the government doesn't do any real work to stop the annual mosque attacks that followed the Christchurch mosque shooting of 2019. idol worshi turns us into monsters.
Melindha, moth-cluttered light in my life, dumpster fire of my loins, i didn't like the first two balloo Jesuses hanging on the balloon cross and i don't like the third one either. why, of all places, hang the above our bed? they weigh on me insufferably, incomprehensibly. i cannot move from under their stare... heavens have mercy. you said you'd only take a little while. why aren't you back yet?
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with four extra vases, i should have nine now; got the myrrh, the frankincense, and this ring will do fo gold; got the miter, cape, and crosier; one CD of Hildegard von Bingen; and one lamb to hold when it's all over. let's do it. it's gonna be painful but he'll have to bite through it.
"...post a selfie - use da hashtag 'crankdat25' - and win an unforgettable club night in LA with Soulj Boy! ♪YOOOooouuuuu! ♪♫ Soulja Boy Tell'em♪"
"connect with your inner woman. VagigateTM is the new, quick and effortless way of stretching you vagina far beyond its maximum capacity. approved by the Gynaecologist Association of America, VagigateTM gives you dumbfounding vaginal width within thirty minutes."
"i was assigned triplets and i wasn't sure if i could deliver. thanks to VagigateTM i didn't even break a sweat!"
"i support the troops! with VagigateTM, my pussy pops louder than ISIS!"
"VagigateTM comes with two..."
"hmm. a little Vagigate could work miracles."
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*lamb sounds*
with a heavy head he slowly regains consciousness. a steady stream of spit slurps out of his mouth. something is slurping out of his whole body it seems. when his eyes sharpen he sees the IV tubes in his bleeding palms.
"AAAAHH!! MELINDHA??!!! WHAATT??!!" he screams.
he still cannot move as if tied to the bed. the balloon Jesuses above are smiling. Melindha stands at th feet of the bed dressed as a bishop, mumbling while holding an iron book, thumping her crosier on the ground to punctuate her words.
"...de Spiritu Sancto, natus ex Maria Virgine..."
calmly, she puts the iron book aside to pop three Vagigate pills in his confused but cooperative anus:
triple the recommended dosage.
"HHEEEEELLLLPPP!!!! SSSTTOOOOOOOPPP!!"
the nine vases are finally topped with his blood and Melindha breaks into full shouting, "...crucifixus, mortuus, et sepultus; descendit ad infernos; tertia die resurrexit a mortuis!!"
now, pointing the crosier at his anus
"inde venturus est iudicare vivos et mortuos!!..."
his mouth, his teeth fold inwards,
his face caves,
his head retracts into his chest,
sucked into himself, he re-emerges from his anus as a pink, inside-out Jesus, covered in veins.
looking up at Melindha, with that face full of suffering she loves, he dies.
and all is forgiven.